Marry, Kill, and Shag
by The Wayward Angel
Summary: "The Dark Lord, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy. Marry, kill, and shag." Let the slashfest begin! Rating up-ed for language
1. And So It Begins

**Raye: I was playing this game with my friends earlier and I was like "omfga;ldkfjlk;fhslkfh harry potter fic!"  
>Allie: He said this out loud…we were so confused…<br>Raye: This is of course the game Marry Kill and Fuck but I changed Fuck to shag because they're British. **

**Warning: Sooo OOC, fluff**

**Disclaimer: Marry JKR Fuck JKR and Kill the lawyers.**

_Marry, Kill, and Shag_

It was a simple muggle game that the eighth years had taken to playing. It was really childish but really kind of fun at the same time. The rules were simple; you merely responded to the question. Three names were said and then the question was asked: marry, kill, and shag.

"Harry it's your turn." Hermione said, nudging her friend that was staring off into space.

"Huh, oh yeah." Harry snapped back into the present, blinking at the group sitting around the eighth year's dorm. There was no point in separating the houses since there were so few of them. Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnegan, and a couple other people that Harry could never remember the names of.

Blaise shook his head and sighed. Potter was hopeless. "As I was saying Potter. The Dark Lord, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy. Marry, kill, and shag." Blaise smirked.

"…Do we have to play this game?" Harry replied, "I think we should play something else."

"Just answer the question Potter." Blaise sighed.

"We can play chess or exploding snap…"

"Potter-"

"Or maybe even 'have you ever' or-"

"Potter just answer the damn question!" Pansy snapped.

Harry gulped then mumbled, looking down at the floor.

"We can't hear you Harry." Dean snickered.

Why did his life have to be so difficult? Why had he told his friends after the war that he was gay? And dear merlin why did they have to exploit him like this?

"I said…kill Voldemort, shag Ron, and marry Draco." Harry said with a blush, looking over at the wall.

A silence descended on the room.

"You would marry me?" A soft voice finally spoke.

Harry whipped his head around to look at Draco. The delicate blonde was blushing deliciously. His blonde hair had grown out over the summer and cascaded over his shoulders. His silver eyes were wide as he stared at hair and looked –dare he say- hopeful. Over the past few weeks Harry and Draco had actually become friends now that Draco's father was in Azkaban and Draco was out from under his thumb. As it turned out the blonde was actually quite a funny and nice guy when he felt like it.

"Well, I mean…yeah, yeah I would." Harry said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

Pansy and Hermione looked at one another before pushing the boys close to each other until their lips were almost touching. "Now kiss." The girls cooed.

Harry and Draco blushed darker before pressing their lips together in a sweet kiss. Draco let out a soft sigh and Harry took the opportunity to slide his tongue into Draco's mouth, reaching a hand up to cup the back of Draco's head, pulling him closer. They pulled back after a long moment and pressed their foreheads together. "You're gorgeous you know that." Harry whispered.

"I know." Draco replied.

Harry snorted, rolling his eyes. "Be my boyfriend?" He asked.

"Merlin yes." Draco replied, kissing Harry again.

Ron cleared his throat, "Okay guys, enough…go…go sit down so we can continue."

Harry and Draco laughed and went to sit beside Blaise, Draco sitting down on Harry's lap, leaning back against Harry's chest. "Okay Ron it's your turn." Harry chuckled, "Your mum, Blaise Zabini, and Dean Thomas. Marry, kill, and shag."

"…Are you fucking kidding me?"


	2. The Next Victims Are

**Raye: I can only put up with listening to my twin's whining for so long before I have to post another chapter. She's a BlaisexRon fan. –rolls eyes-  
>Allie: I didn't whine.<br>Raye: You whined you prat now shut up.  
>Allie: Fine.<br>Raye: Alright so I don't know how long this is gonna be or how many chapters I'm going to think of so this story will probably be slow to update…just assume I may not update and be pleasantly surprised when I do. This is kind of just all my crap writing that gets done between classes and before I go to work so it's way out of character but its fun to write.  
>Allie: How do we have any readers at all?<br>Raye: -glares- **

**Warnings: So out of character and filled with fluff you may gag.**

**Disclaimer: In the first chapter.**

_Marry, Kill, and Shag  
>Chapter 2<em>

"_Okay Ron it's your turn." Harry chuckled, "Your mum, Blaise Zabini, and Dean Thomas. Marry, kill, and shag."_

"…_Are you fucking kidding me?"_

"No Ron I can assure you that I am not kidding you. You have to play now." Harry replied.

"But I'm straight."

Hermione snorted.

Ron glared.

"I call bull shite." Pansy replied, "There's no way."

"But..."

"You're stalling now Ron." Hermione smirked.

"Fine um…I guess…" Ron looked off to the side nervously, clearing his throat.

"Get on with it!" Pansy snapped.

"Kill mum, shag Dean, and marry Blaise." Ron finally gritted out.

Dean fell over on his side laughing. Blaise just stared.

"You happy now?" Ron asked, the tips of his ears burning red from embarrassment.

"Quite." Harry replied and Draco chuckled softly.

"Um well I guess it's Mione's-"

"Did you mean it?" Blaise asked.

"Huh?" Ron replied.

"Did you mean it or were you just picking the lesser of two evils?" Blaise said. Dean seemed to sober up pretty quickly now.

"Well I mean…" Ron fumbled for words, the blush spreading down his face and neck.

Blaise was next to him in seconds, his lips right next to Ron's ear, "Did. You. Mean. It?"

Ron gulped, "Blaise I-"

His words were cut off as Blaise pressed his lips to Ron's, silencing him. Blaise brought a hand around Ron's neck, holding him tight, making it impossible for the red head to escape. He pulled back after a few tense seconds of Ron not kissing back, "Ron I-" Ron quickly pressed his lips back to Blaise's, sliding his arms around the Italian's shoulders.

Hermione and Pansy cheered in the background and Draco and Harry just laughed.

The boys pulled back after a minute, both blushing and panting. "Go out with me?" Blaise asked, cocking his head to the side.

Ron nodded quickly before pulling Blaise into another kiss.

"And he said he was straight…" Pansy muttered.


	3. Well They Knew What They Wanted

**Raye: So yeah as you can see I'm skipping my classes today so I have awhile to write.  
>Allie: This is the worst thing we've ever written on purpose…but we've been having a tough few weeks so we need this laugh.<br>Raye: Yeah she's skipping class to help me.  
>Allie: Well…not skipping technically…I didn't do the assignment so I'm not gonna go…<br>Raye: And I'm just being lazy!**

**Warnings: So out of character it's ridiculous and "IT'S SO FLUUFFFFYYYYY!" Oh yeah and female love in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: In the first chapter.**

_Marry, Kill, and Shag  
>Chapter 3<em>

Once Blaise and Ron had finally decided to stop shoving their tongues down each other's mouths, they sat side by side, hands intertwined. "Okay Hermione it's your turn." Ron said, squeaking slightly when Blaise pulled him over onto his lap. "Are you happy now?" He asked, looking annoyed.

"I am content, yes." Blaise replied.

Ron rolled his eyes, "Hermione. Your choices are Lavender Brown, Ginny Weasley, and Pansy Parkinson. Marry, kill, and shag."

Hermione blinked, "I didn't expect mine to be that easy."

Ron cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy, "Huh."

Hermione smiled, "Well I mean I don't even really have to think about that. I mean it's easy. Kill Lavender, shag Ginny, and marry Pansy of course."

"Really?" Pansy asked, looking over at Hermione and smirking.

"Of course." Hermione replied and the two girls leaned over and kissed each other, sliding their arms around one another's waists, pulling each other close.

Draco made gagging and retching sounds. Harry laughed and pulled Draco closer, shaking his head at the girls that obviously knew exactly what they wanted. Ron looked kind of pale, "I should have known…" he mumbled. Blaise merely shrugged and pulled Ron into another kiss. Dean and Seamus looked at one another, both looking concerned, confused, and decidedly green.

"Okay ladies break it up." Dean finally managed out passed his shock.

Hermione and Pansy pulled back, "We're dating now." They declared to the room.

"Duly noted." Dean replied.

Pansy smiled moved back from Hermione, only to place her head on the Gryffindor's lap. "Okay Dean, it's your turn now." Hermione said as she stroked Pansy's hair, "And this one won't be easy." She said with an evil glint in her eye.

Everyone in the room shivered.


	4. You Royal Arse

**Allie: This chapter I'm doing all on my own because I was just bubbling with excitement to do it!  
>Raye: She pushed me out of the chair in the middle of the college tech lab, placed her foot on the side of my face, and then yelled "It's my turn you git!"…I'm surprised they didn't ask us to leave.<br>Allie: The lab techs are boys…I'm wearing a low cut top…I distracted them with boobies.  
>Raye: …<strong>

**Warnings: Oh so very out of character and filled with fluffy goodness.**

**Disclaimer: In the first chapter.**

_Marry, Kill, and Shag  
>Chapter 4<em>

"So Dean. Luna Lovegoood, Ginny Weasley, and Seamus Finnegan. Marry, kill, and shag." Hermione said. Pansy pinched Hermione on the knee. That was a mean one. At least all the others only had to pick from one gender.

Dean fidgeted nervously on the floor.

Seamus waited patiently for his best friend's answer.

"I don't want to answer that." Dean finally replied.

"We all had to Dean." Harry replied.

"Yeah and it worked out well for all of us." Ron added.

Dean looked back down at the floor, a look of conflict on his face before something solidified. "I'd kill Seamus, shag Luna, and marry Ginny." He said, looking up at the group boldly.

Harry, Ron and Draco looked shocked. Hermione and Pansy exchanged worried glances. Blaise glared darkly at Dean. Seamus…

"I'm sorry." Seamus whispered and all eyes in the room fell on him.

"Seamus…" Dean whispered.

"Whatever I did. I'm sorry. I didn't think you had such a low opinion of me." The Irishman's voice was cold with unshed tears.

"Seamus I didn't, I mean…the other two were girls. I can't shag or marry another bloke." Dean tried to reason.

"Fuck you Dean Thomas!" Seamus yelled, snapping up into standing position, "I was your friend for years and you'd kill me because you wouldn't shag another bloke! I fucking loved you!" Seamus stormed off, slamming the door to the eighth year's bathroom and locking it. Unfortunately the Irish wizard did not have his wand so he couldn't put up a silencing charm around the bathroom so everyone could hear his strangled sobs.

Hermione moved to get her wand to open the door but Pansy shook her head, "Don't. Just let him have his privacy for now. He's really hurt." She said. Hermione's eyebrows furled together in worry but she nodded.

Now all eyes turned back on Dean.

"You're a royal arse you know that?" Draco said, his lips pressed in a thin line.

"It was just a game!" Dean replied, his eyes wide, "It was a hypothetical question. It's not like it's real!"

"It was real to Seamus." Ron said.

"Yeah, he's fancied you since first year." Harry added.

"Really?" Dean asked in surprise.

"Yeah, really. Why do you think he tried so hard to be your friend?" Hermione said.

Dean groaned and curled up, hiding his face from his friends.

"Let me ask you a question Dean. Do you have a problem with being with a bloke simply because you're straight or because everyone says you're not supposed to?" Blaise asked.

Dean looked up, confused.

"All I'm saying is maybe you're not as straight as you think you are." Blaise shrugged.

"How can I tell?" Dean asked.

"Think about kissing Ginny." Dean closed his eyes, "Do you feel happy?" Dean nodded. "Okay, now think about kiss Seamus." Dean bit down on his lower lip, "Now how do you feel?"

"Complete." Dean whispered before his eyes snapped open, "Oh merlin I've made a mess of things." He scrambled over to the bathroom door and knocked gently, "Seamus? Oh Shay I'm sorry, please, come out."

"Why?" Came Seamus' whimpered reply.

Dean felt his heart clench, "Because I want to kiss you." He whispered.

The door stayed shut for a few seconds longer before Seamus slowly opened the door just a crack. Dean ripped it open the rest of the way and pulled Seamus into a deep kiss, holding Seamus close. He pulled back every once and a while to whisper "I'm sorry" before placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

Finally Seamus laughed, "Okay, okay, I forgive you." He said, pulling back some.

Dean kissed him one more time, "I'm an arse I know."

"But you're _my _arse." Seamus grinned.

"Can I change my answer?" Dean said, "I'd kill Luna and Ginny, just so I could marry _and_ shag you Seamus."

"I love you too."


End file.
